Thoughts at Thirty Six Weeks

I am so excited. That pretty much sums it all up.

Belly at 35 weeks, March 15th 2012

As we quickly approach the 37 week mark next Thursday and I've stopped dilating for a few weeks now I feel the giddy anticipation of meeting my son without any hesitation. I walk down the hallway that connects all of our bedrooms and every bone in my body rejoices soon we will be complete. My heart is full and very soon so will be my home.

At my checkup this week I had an ultrasound to check on Travis, the placenta & the fluid nothing ultra exciting like finding out the sex or having a 3D ultrasound and staring at a little face but still so very magical. I laid there in wonder that inside of me was a new life. As she checked everything off with a looks good I found myself responding "perfect" as if it was his first test and I was the proud Mama that he was passing with flying colors.

As she measured his belly she said "He has a big belly. He's a fat baby!" and I laughed. Mitch has been certain all along that this child is going to more Mitch-sized than Monica-sized. I myself am a mere 5'1'' and my husband is 6'5''. My boys have both been born at 7lbs 11oz with Garrett being a week late and Owen being a week early. She then informed me that Travis is already measuring at 7lbs 1oz. I gasped "oh my."

Yes, I know that this is an estimate but this estimate coupled with the severity of my sciatica this pregnancy, my extreme uncomfortableness right now that I didn't experience with the boys until much later, the fact my belly has been measuring big and the observation of Mitch that I'm as big now as when I delivered the other boys has me bracing for a larger than 7lbs 11oz baby this time.

I went back to the waiting room so I could then see my doctor and there was a Dad waiting with his baby in a stroller. Not anything uncommon. A nurse came out to talk to him and I shamelessly eavesdropped as he beamed that his son was now huge at 7lbs 4oz as he carefully pulled back the canopy and blankets that protected his little one on this dreary rainy day. You see he was born 7 1/2 weeks early at only 4lbs. I gathered that this little guy was a champ and has not had any complications but they are still watching Mama and getting her back to full health.

I first marveled that the child inside of me is likely not much smaller than the baby I was laying eyes on and then counted my blessings that we have been so very fortunate during this pregnancy.

Rainbow at 36 weeks (appeared as we were walking home from Garrett's Open House) , March 22nd, 2012

I have a faint memory of sitting in the airport with Mitch as we were waiting to board our flight to Montego Bay just shy of 10 years ago. I was watching a family wait for their flight to some unknown location. There was a mother of four and as I became an observer of her life my heart was filled with joy.

The faint memory leaves a strong impression that I knew then I wanted a house full of children's laughter and love. Of course, we were just beginning our life together, the flight we were waiting to board was going to take us to our wedding and as if a dream I remember Mitch thinking that four kids was crazy!

Two and half years after that moment we welcomed Garrett into our lives and to be honest I don't remember much of the first year of his life. Thankful for pictures that help take me back to that life changing, beautiful, crazy year we learned how to be parents.

And then we waited to be blessed with a second child. Turns out the Lord's plan and ours were not exactly the same and through the course of 2 years we experienced much uncertainty, loss and heartache. We took a year to heal and were then blessed with the anticipation of Owen's arrival.

Although several years had passed I still held in my heart the dream of a house full of children's laughter and love. Of course, as a seasoned Mom I now understood those two things also come with screams, tears, chaos and in my house lots of noise. While I now agreed with Mitch that I personally could not handle raising 4 children with both of us working outside the home I felt I needed just one more.

Despite the fear of the unknown and after much conversation Mitch & I decided that we would go for it.

This time my heart was free from the desperation of needing to be pregnant after so much loss and I truly turned this journey over to the Lord. Because I had not always had an easy road carrying a pregnancy to the second trimester I did not want to try to add to our family past the age of 35. Knowing statistically that risk increased after 35 coupled with my tender heart I knew that was the end of the road for me.

I went into it with a if it happens it happens mentality and my heart was content to find my family complete and praise the blessings the Lord had given me if it didn't happen.

This morning I sit here 8 months away from my 35th birthday and less than a month away from the arrival of my third son and I.am.so.excited.

Monica