Monday, July 23, 2012

Looking Back and Forward | a series of pictures & words

On April 14th I walked out of my downtown office and prepared myself for the arrival of our third son and a summer at home with all my boys. Fourteen weeks and two days later I find myself only two weeks away from walking back into those office doors downtown.

{Our last picture as a family of four before we left for the hospital.}

All weekend I've been thinking about this milestone, only two more weeks at home with all my boys. I want to press the pause button.

{Heading into Labor and Delivery.}

And as much as I would like I can't do that. So instead I've spent a few precious quiet hours this morning looking back over the last fourteen weeks. I see the beauty of our life that has unfolded in these weeks and I am so very grateful.

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{Travis and Mitch at the hospital before we went home.}

At first being at home was easy. The boys were in school and I had Travis all to myself.

{Owen stealing baseball gear in the backyard while Garrett & Mitch practiced baseball.}

Then life got very very hard. It was a challenge having all three boys at home in an instant. Before I went on leave everyone told me I was crazy not to have Owen in day programs, even part time. I insisted I wanted him home. Even though there were days I questioned this decision I'm so very glad I kept him home. I did recognize I needed some help and I had a friends daughter come to help me a little each week with the kids. Things got better.

{Travis in the Moby Wrap, he spent so much time here the first month.}

Somewhere along the way I let go of rigid schedules and high expectations (set by me). We developed a rhythm to our days. Somehow I learned to accept the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that had me wanting to runaway to Australia. And when I least expected it, somewhere in the middle of declaring that staying home full time was not for me, I started to love it - the good, the bad, the ugly - all of it.

{Getting back to normal eight days after giving birth.}

And now I find myself two weeks away from turning our new normal upside down. I'm nervous.

I could carry a heavy heart but I'm responsible for the energy I bring into this house. (Something I've been working really hard on the last few weeks.)

So I'm going to do the only thing I can do. I'm going be intentional with each day I have left and fill my heart with gratitude for the time I've had with the boys.

{Travis' toes only weeks old.}

Over the next two weeks I'll continue to share some of my favorite pictures from this very special time I've had with the boys. Thank you for sharing my journey.


This post is a series of posts that highlights my reflections on maternity leave and my thoughts leading up to going back to work. You can read all of the posts in the series here.

1 comment:

MariClaudi said...

you are a very good writer. So much of what you have written has really touched my heart because i have had some of those same feelings throughout the years.
You will find an inner strength you didn't know you had. That is how we mothers make it through the good, the bad and the ugly.