Thursday, April 5, 2012

This Girl at Thirty Eight Weeks

It's fair to say I'm riding the hormonal roller coaster these days. I feel like two girls, one giddy with anticipation and the other in deep contemplation of what is to come.

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This girl delights in every tightening and twitch knowing it means the time is getting closer.

This girl gets lost in the memories of meeting her sons for the first time and gets butterflies knowing there is one more introduction soon to come.

This girl is on the edge of her seat for the moment all her boys are home with her for the summer.

This girl washes and folds itty bitty clothes while imagining what he will look like in these special outfits.

This girl gets a big hug and hears the words "I loove you Mommy" unprompted first thing in the morning and her heart skips a beat knowing that soon there will be another little person to love and be loved by.

This girl is buoyed up by excited conversation with good friends about the upcoming arrival of her last baby.

This girl is overjoyed in knowing that Grandparents have a car packed ready to come at a moment's notice.

This girl watches her sons play and imagines the years coming where she will watch all three grow together as young men and brothers.

This girl is grateful for a husband who had faith in his wife and is willing to follow her where her dreams lead them.

This girl can think of nothing more than holding her son.

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This girl is a nervous wreck that nothing will happen to her son in these last weeks and closely monitors every movement.

This girl is up at night thinking of all the things that she *thinks* must be done and simply won't be done.

This girl carries in her heart concern for her oldest who knows he's supposed to be excited and tells her so. But he is also old enough to know that a new baby means less time for him and tells her so.

This girl thinks alot about how she needs to put her marriage first even when little voices are louder and more demanding.

This girl is wondering if she's crazy thinking she will be able to carve out space for her while trying to meet the very different needs of three boys this summer.

This girl wonders how her toddler is going to adjust to not being the baby anymore.

This girl remembers the tears of relief that flowed after her boys were born and she heard the words "He's perfect!" and prays to hear those words one.more.time.

This girl who likes to have a plan for everything is staying up at night trying to run through all the different scenarios of his arrival and how her other boys will be cared and comforted during this time.

This girl can think of nothing more than holding her son.



Urban Spools said...

Monica, what a beautiful posting! Your boys are very lucky to have you as their mom.

Melanie said...

thinking of you, monica - can't believe you're so close to the end!

Crunchy_Conservative said...

Best of luck and birth blessings on you both! I remember when my third was born. Despite all my fears, she settled into our lives with a surprisingly easy grace. One of my favorite things about her joining our family was seeing my DD2 go from the baby to a wonderful big sister!