White Space

I know it's been awhile, quite awhile. If you are reading this I am highly impressed that you haven't given up on me by now. Right now I'm sitting in the Ft. Lauderdale airport waiting for my flight back home. I've spent the last four days in training, acquiring that all too important CPE for my CPA license that is up for renewal at the end of November.

The entire time I've been here my mood has matched the weather, gloomy. The fact that I generally despise being away from my family (lucky I don't travel much) coupled with a nasty virus that infected both me & my family this week has made it a long couple of days. But today the sun made an appearance as did my own sunshine because I woke up knowing I was going home.

The last month or two of life has been good, full of blessing, but hectic and stressful none the less. Mitch has made an amazing recovery from his ACL surgery, our home has finally undergone renovations we have planned and talked about for years, I've made it through big deadlines at work, we are navigating Owen's new toddler phase (and I am marveling at how very different children from the same parents can be), Garrett is growing and changing so much in front of me (I am adjusting to the absence of my constant companion), and I am in a state of reflection, standing on the edge of change.

What there has not been is the expected creative spirit within me. The one that sews, photographs, scrapbooks, or writes. And I think that's OK. I believe in my soul that sometimes we need to be still, be quiet, to hear the whispers of the universe. And in this white space I have found myself inspired. My creative spirit is instead focused on simply my life, my family, me.

Am I brave enough to craft the life my intuition is telling me I must have in order to be a more authentic version of me? I think so. There are pockets of time, moments, where I know in my core, this is who I am.

Right now, there is a mother and three girls sitting behind me and I am shamelessly eavesdropping. They put a smile on my face. They are connected, intertwined. I can hear in their voices the love and joy they have in their life. Ironically, connection is what I have found in these moments where I know I am living my authentic life.

It's this realization, which really shouldn't be a surprise to me as I am a huge fan of Brene Brown's work, that has me looking hard at relationships, choices, and habits so that I can recognize what fosters connection in my life and what robs me of it. Ironically, some of the things that society believes fosters connection I am beginning to believe robs me of it in my life.

Here I sit in the white space keenly aware of those around me wrapped in the comfort of connection, overjoyed that in the span of hours I will be back in the arms of the ones I love.

Monica